"Unfortunately" EXPECTATION

"Unfortunately" is a word that is like a punch in the stomach. I know because I HAVE been punched in the stomach. I remember it so clearly. I was five. A classmate, a five year old boy in kindergarten came up to me with two other boys at his side and punched me as hard as he could in the stomach. As far as I could tell, for no reason. I didn't fear him, in fact I liked him. I completely didn't expect  a punch in the gut. I remember falling over. Winded. I wondered if I was going to die.  

I received an "unfortunately" about a month ago. It winded me. Even though I knew it was a possibility. After I caught my breath I realized it also felt like a punch in the face. I know what that feels like too. Three years ago I started boxing. I was in the ring then, BAM!! I knew the risk getting in the ring but what I didn't expect was how mad it made me. Not that I got hit but that I didn't move out the way. I knew better.  

It made me mad that this "unfortunately" clocked and winded me. My goal this year was to FAIL BETTER. Try, fail, try again but that pesky frenemy of mine "EXPECTATION" snuck in when I wasn't looking... and sucker punched me. GAH!! I didn't realize how much expectation I had hanging on this thing. A good friend of mine keeps reminding me "Expectation KILLS joy". And I know it, I do know it BUT... it's stealthy. I'm watching you "expectation".  I'm going to look for you every day. As for you "unfortunately" it might not be the last time you're gonna knock me off my feet but I'm going to bounce back up so fast you won't know what hit you.

P.S. At times I've felt like just taking the gloves off, laying them on the mat and saying, you know what? You win. I'm out. After the "unfortunately" I had decided to closing down my blog (not the whole website but the blog). I've been told blogging is dead anyways. I even wrote the final post but I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger. Writing has never been super easy for me but there is something I don't want to let go. For whatever reason I'm not done yet. I guess I haven't reached the count of 10.